Bucket Fillers

Carrying on from my last batch of Bucket List fillers, I’ve returned to squeezing in more . Today’s batch is a mixture of travel, but mostly what I want to get from my little life in terms of the inevitable “growing up” if you will. Some might think it’s a little dull… but thats why it’s my Bucket List – not yours!

If you have any more suggestions to add to this ever growing Bucket, feel free to add your ideas .

41. Smother myself in mud at the Sabeto Mud Baths in Fiji.

My mate posted photos on Facebook on this place and it looked amazing and SO much fun!

42. Go to a fashion show catwalk.

Not like one I went to at college… surprisingly I studied Fashion at college – you’d never guess! But a real top designer catwalk would be amazing to be part of!

43. Win more than £10 in the lottery or a scratch card.

I was given a scratch card as part of a Christmas present (brilliant idea might I add!) and won 20 smakaroonies!

44. Wine more than £50 in the lottery or scratch card.

Well I managed no.43… I can only hope!

45. Go on the Sex And The City tour in New York City.

If you know me at all, you will know that I love SATC. I want to be one of those geeks on the bus… oh yes… and stopping off at Magnolia Bakery just so I can have one of those cupcakes like Carrie and Miranda. Yup… I’m that geek!

46. Sell a painting for more than £100

One day… perhaps. The most I have made from a painting has been £30 so far… Here’s hoping!

47. Travel 100% solo… and get out alive.

I’m currently planning it… Perhaps someone will join me along the way, but for now it’s solo all the way . I’m a little scared I’ll admit!

48. Discover if soul mates truly exist.

If they do… perhaps I’ll find mine. I’ll keep you noted if such a thing crops up in my life .

49. Get onto the property ladder.

Yes, a little boring you might say, but I would love to own my own place one day. Whether that’s by myself or with my future other half, who knows?! Plus I love decorating and interior design of all kinds, and doing that with my own place would be amazing .

50. Visit Machu Picchu In Peru.

I’ve researched into South America quite a lot, and this place takes my breath away… and I haven’t even got there! I know it’ll happen one day .

Am I Running Away?

That was the question that entered my mind just the other day – Am I running away?

Your probably thinking what? What are you running away from?

A big hairy spider?

A looming deadline?

Writing another blog post?

Nope. None of them unfortunately. The question that, out of the blue for no reason what so ever, begged the answer was –

Am I running away from real life?

Again, you’re probably thinking… what do you mean by real life? Kerri, you are talking gibberish – again. (Fear not, I do the gibberish thing a lot, but this time I actually have a point!)

What I mean by real life is the whole career thing, finding myself another half to spend the rest of my life with, stepping into the scary world of mortgages, having a family. Basically – settling down.

Ok, yes, I am only 24, I admit that isn’t old. However, I have never ever known what to do with my life asides from travel. My mum always knew she wanted to be a nurse, and hey presto, she became a nurse. It wasn’t easy for her, but she got there. But at least she had that dream to be something.

It wasn’t till my previous relationship ended back in 2008, that the urge to travel suddenly came around. I dropped out of uni – a major decision to make – saved for a year and just flew off. A year later, I came home and had everything set –my new boyfriend, travel plans, plans for coming home and where to live. Everything was sorted.

But then that was taken away as well. And now here I am planning my travels – solo – and heading off round the world again, and still no clue what to do apart from that.

And it makes me wonder. If I do simply travel – yes it’ll be amazing – but if I come home still single, still no idea what to do with my career, still nowhere near getting onto the property ladder, let alone moving away from my parent’s home. What will I do? I’ll just be back to where I am now even closer to the big 30… a little wiser perhaps from the travel. But what will I do after?

I’m sure my parents would be thrilled if I simply tell them I plan to travel every few years and come home to scrounge and live off them! At some point I’m going to have to settle somewhere and find myself a job and save for that dreaded mortgage and be a big girl.

But am I running away from starting that now? Of course I want to travel, if that’s my only dream right now, why hold it off for another dream I might not find at home? I hoped that when I travelled Oz, I’d find my niche in life, apart from my creative artistic flare returning, I didn’t find anything. Was I hoping for too much?

For now, I know I’m not ready to get into the world of mortgages or rent, or start a family anytime soon, I know travelling is what I want to do.

But am I running away from it all? Am I running away from growing up?

Changes :)

I’ve always known life is full of surprises. Just when you think you have most of it figured out, something is dropped in the ocean and creates a whole new wave of direction.

This past few weeks has proved massively changing in the life of Kerri (thats me!). My plans that I had been set on for so long were suddenly thrown off course when my relationship ended with the curly boy. And although part of me wishes it didn’t have to end so suddenly, the other half of me is realising this is perhaps what I needed – change.

A long distance relationship was something I always knew would be hard. But I tell you this now… imagine how hard it would be and times that by 100! It has to be the most difficult thing I have ever done – send me to the other side of the world anytime (!) – and I’m certainly in no rush to do long distance again! Asides from the obvious missing one another, it made me realise something, something I didn’t like. I was changing – but not in a good way.

Not a day went by without me worrying over something. No matter how small it may have been, I would worry about it. And worse still, I could feel my insecurities growing about myself. I didn’t feel as confident about myself anymore, and the stress was killing me. I tried so hard to be positive; telling myself we’ve got this far we can keep going, thinking of our travels together, knowing it would’nt always be this difficult… but nothing would work.

So when ‘we’ were over, and I know this makes me seem insensitive, but I felt something was lifted off my shoulders. Now I could think about me, and only me. When I’m in a relationship, I always think of the other person, or us. But for once I could now be selfish. And I’ve felt more than ever that now I’m looking on things in a much more positive way. And I couldn’t love that more.

Even though my travel plans have made a complete U-turn, and I’m scared of travelling alone with my lack of confidence, I’m still pushing myself to be positive. I want to do this for me. I want to get out there and push myself to speak to fellow travellers and explore the world to the max. I need to do this. If anything, I think this is why this happened… Someone out there is telling me I need that kick up the backside to be a more positive confident girl!

Sometimes change can be a petrifying thing. Hell, I am petrified! I can’t wait to travel, and I’m so excited for everything I’m going to see/hear/taste, but there is a huge element of fear deep inside shouting at me “What the hell are you doing woman?!”

I just know that this change is all for the best. For me, and for him.

And so… my new travel plans will commence, and the change in me is already building. In a cheesy sort of way (a nice cheese… none of that parmesan crap!) , I can see myself being someone I can live with! After all, if I don’t like who I am, how do I expect someone else to like me?! So stay tuned… my blog will come back to life again… with my travel plans being explored, tickets being booked, blog concepts coming to life and this little lady finding herself once again .

Has anyone else had a sudden change in their life and found the positive side to it? I’d love to hear some stories .

“Be audacious enough to believe in the wisdom of a divine plan”

The Lessons We Learn

Well it’s true what they say, life can throw you some challenging moments at you from time to time. Back in 2009 my boyfriend at the time finished us and it left me wondering what to do next…

Fast forward exactly 3 years from there and history is repeating itself once again. My future plans with my other half were stripped away from me when we decided to call it a day on our relationship.

Two Years Ago…

I can’t quite believe it.

Two years ago to this very day I was climbing upon a plane at around 5pm tonight ready to start my year in Australia.

I had been counting down to this very point for exactly 247 days since I booked the ticket with Air Asia. I couldn’t be more excited! I was nervous, apprehensive, petrified all at once. The counting down seemed to last a lifetime, yet here I was taking those last few steps on the plane that would take me away from home for 366 days.

Lost In Edinburgh!

I just arrived in Edinburgh after a few hours journey on the bus from my home town of Aberdeen. I had been here before many years ago, but only a few memories had stuck of where things were, so it was all new to me once again…

Home Away From Home

Since travelling to the other end of the world and back, I’ve come to realise that you really don’t have to travel so far to experience and appreciate an amazing destination.

Born To Be Me

Last night I ventured out with a bunch of friends with the excitement in me knowing it would be a great one. But I think the over excitement and expectations of the night worked against me and resulted in me feeling my ultimate worse.

To begin with I was having a great time, despite being in clubs I would never venture to – but I’m always up for trying things so why the hell not?! Drinks were coming in, laughs were heard and dance moves were shaken. But somehow, in the mass of faces I felt out of place and very alone.

I wasn’t used to the atmosphere, and apart from my workmates, I was surrounded by pretentious people with enough ego to bring the ceiling down. And with that, my confidence shrunk even more than it was before I stepped foot in the club.

Not that I was comparing myself to others, but I really felt I didn’t fit in. And I hate to admit that. I’m not someone who changes for anyone. I want to be myself, and not be someone who isn’t the real me. But somehow, I found myself looking at others and telling myself I wore the wrong outfit, or did my hair wrong, or should pose different in photos.

Odd One Out

It wasn’t something I normally do, but I somehow felt compelled to do it and it made me feel awful.

When I was travelling – yes I looked at others and wished I could be a little more like them – but it made me realise more that it’s great to be different. I was a free bird and some of these people would be long gone by the time I would let it really get to me. I felt like a free spirit and that was more important than anything to me.

For some reason, last night I felt trapped. As everyone was dancing together and chatting amongst themselves I felt like the odd one out. More than ever. I didn’t like myself because of other people. I don’t even know why I was like this, but by the end of the evening I found myself in tears.

Perhaps a little intoxicated I’ll admit, but the tears confirmed that this wasn’t me and in some way I was upset with myself for trying to be this other person.

All of what happened in those few hours confirmed to me who my friends are  and how much I appreciate them and love them. Not just for being my true friends, but for loving me for who I am and not making me feel like changing into something else. They love me for me.

And also my boyfriend for liking me as I am. As much as I criticise myself and lack in self confidence, he still tells me he wants me. He still pushes through the tough times of a long distance relationship and wants to travel with me for as long as possible. I can be me, and not feel the urge to change it to please others.

The revelations of last night have also pushed me even more for travelling. I can be myself even more when I’m out in the big bad world because out there everyone can be different and be accepted for who they really are. I’m not squashed into a tiny space and made to feel like I need to slot in with all the other identical manikins. Travel is what makes me – ME!!

That’s how it should always be, and even if I am the laughing stock of the gossip, I couldn’t care less. I’ll be myself thanks, cause otherwise – what would be the point in us all being here?

United As One

It’s still as fresh to my memory as if it had happened yesterday.

Exactly 10 years ago I was 14 years old, and the only memory I can recall at this age is the day that would forever be titled “9/11”.

Ask me now what I had for dinner a week ago and I’d struggle to find my memory.

I’m now 24 – a whole 10 years on – and the image I saw repeatedly on the national news is as fresh as it always will be.

The images I recalled over and over again on numerous news channels will forever be within my mind, and without a doubt – it forever sticks in my mind as the moment that changed the world.

The moment the world came to a standstill.

The moment our nations came together to form as One.

The moment we All knew our world would be a different place.

And a place that formed a difference.

A difference in ourselves.

To come together.

As one.

We will always… unite.

x

A Thanks To The Boy Who Dumped Me

A thought occurred to me while I was talking about future travel plans with Chris the other day. A thought that never crossed my mind, till I considered all the money I’m saving from my monthly pay cheque towards hitting the road again.

What would I be doing right now if I weren’t planning my RTW?

Out of all the questions that could be asked, this one really stumped me for answers. I couldn’t think what on earth I would be doing if I didn’t have the travel itch. If I wasn’t saving every last pound for my travels, what would I be spending that money on?!

Every month I put aside as much money from my pay as physically possible. My savings account is building and it gets me so excited for what’s to come. All the places I’ll see, faces I’ll pass or meet, and footsteps I’ll leave behind as I work my way around the world. There’s nothing else, at this moment in time, which I would rather be doing.

But what if things were different? I guess I would need to look back to where the Travel Bug first nestled itself in my brain and began my journey – in the summer of 2008. ‘08 was a crazy year for me, crazy in a good and bad way. I’ll give you in the gist;

I was turning 21 – Yay!

I was graduating from 3 years of college – Yay!

I had my final Fashion Show (big stressful event!) – Yay…ish

My boyfriend dumped me – Noo!

And finally I was starting Uni – Yay….?!

Might I just add… all of these bar the latter subject of Uni happened in the month of June. So you could say June 2008 is where it all began. I had just finished 3 amazing years at college and my Aussie boyfriend decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship… and if I’m honest, it was his decision to end things that triggered me to get up and go.

My urge for a Uni degree disappeared and my urge to travel blossomed.

But if he hadn’t of dumped me – would I have stayed with Uni? Well yeah, probably. He told me he loved me, and I loved him. Looking back I remember saying I was more than happy to stay here in my hometown and be with him. Which would mean by now I would’ve just graduated (hopefully!) from Uni and have to think what to do with the rest of my life from here on out!

In which case I’d probably find myself a full time job to pay for some kind of accommodation – overpriced of course – and get by like everybody else, paying bills, complaining about aforementioned bills and the lovely weather we’ve been having and of course not forgetting those little 2 week holidays here and there.

That thought makes me shudder with dread!

Of course, at some point I might actually have to join the brigade of 9-5 jobs and mortgages, but thankfully for now I’ve delayed this nightmare to pursue my dream while the iron is still hot.  It’s all been fate. Fate that I met this boy, fate that he dumped me, fate that I discovered the world of travel and fate that I’m still doing it!!

So, I guess what I’m trying to say here is – thanks. Thanks to Bob* for dumping me. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have done half the shit I had done in the past 3 years and I certainly wouldn’t be planning yet another trip with my curly headed surfer. You did me an awesome favour

And I certainly wouldn’t of visited my favourite place in the world – Byron Bay