Well it’s true what they say, life can throw you some challenging moments at you from time to time. Back in 2009 my boyfriend at the time finished us and it left me wondering what to do next…
Fast forward exactly 3 years from there and history is repeating itself once again. My future plans with my other half were stripped away from me when we decided to call it a day on our relationship.
After struggling through an entire year of a long distance relationship which followed 10 months of travelling together around Australia, I naively thought that the next 6 months of more long distance would be a doddle. I always believed in the fact that if we could get through two of the most difficult tests on any relationship, we could do just about anything.
But, it got too much. That distance killed us and the friendship we used to have.
So now, I’m officially a Single Girl. But even though part of me is crushed by the recent events, I’m feeling a sense of relief, and can already see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m relieved because now the stress that I seemed to put myself (and him) under is no longer there. The stress became more and more apparent due to that distance. I was always questioning us; Was this going to work? What if things went wrong? Does he still want me?
I was gradually turning into a completely different person. I was more paranoid than ever before, I could never just be content that things were fine. And all my questioning and worrying soon shifted over to him to the point he started to resent it all.
I wanted to be the girl I was before – someone who was fairly confident in herself, someone who made decisions for herself and didn’t worry what others thought, someone who had strength without stress.
But even though I was struggling and my flaws became more obvious to us both, surely it shouldn’t have mattered. Surely the person your with should love your flaws, good or bad? I’ve always been someone who shows my feelings and expresses what’s on my mind. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m willing to give it to anyone who wants to take care of it.
I should be with someone who makes me feel secure, yet still allows me to be independent. Someone who will take my heart and care for it as if it’s the most precious thing to them. Someone who knows, without a single doubt, that I am what they want.
And as much as I wanted to make it work, it just wasn’t.
Part of me is still wondering what it would’ve been like if never did the long distance, and just kept travelling. Would we still be together? The other part of me is wondering if it was all just a waste of a year – a year of stress, worry and frustration at being apart for so long.
But there’s no point wondering what if’s. What happened, happened, and I truly believe it happened for a reason. That reason might not be so clear to me now, but I’m certain it’ll show itself one day soon. And as much as I do feel like this past year was a waste – I can’t think like that. Yes, it was thrown away because someone got scared, but if anything, it’s a stepping stone and time will heal everything.
At the end of the day – this is just another lesson I’ll learn from in my little life.