Am I Running Away?

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That was the question that entered my mind just the other day – Am I running away?

Your probably thinking what? What are you running away from?

A big hairy spider?

A looming deadline?

Writing another blog post?

Nope. None of them unfortunately. The question that, out of the blue for no reason what so ever, begged the answer was –

Am I running away from real life?

Again, you’re probably thinking… what do you mean by real life? Kerri, you are talking gibberish – again. (Fear not, I do the gibberish thing a lot, but this time I actually have a point!)

What I mean by real life is the whole career thing, finding myself another half to spend the rest of my life with, stepping into the scary world of mortgages, having a family. Basically – settling down.

Ok, yes, I am only 24, I admit that isn’t old. However, I have never ever known what to do with my life asides from travel. My mum always knew she wanted to be a nurse, and hey presto, she became a nurse. It wasn’t easy for her, but she got there. But at least she had that dream to be something.

It wasn’t till my previous relationship ended back in 2008, that the urge to travel suddenly came around. I dropped out of uni – a major decision to make – saved for a year and just flew off. A year later, I came home and had everything set –my new boyfriend, travel plans, plans for coming home and where to live. Everything was sorted.

But then that was taken away as well. And now here I am planning my travels – solo – and heading off round the world again, and still no clue what to do apart from that.

And it makes me wonder. If I do simply travel – yes it’ll be amazing – but if I come home still single, still no idea what to do with my career, still nowhere near getting onto the property ladder, let alone moving away from my parent’s home. What will I do? I’ll just be back to where I am now even closer to the big 30… a little wiser perhaps from the travel. But what will I do after?

I’m sure my parents would be thrilled if I simply tell them I plan to travel every few years and come home to scrounge and live off them! At some point I’m going to have to settle somewhere and find myself a job and save for that dreaded mortgage and be a big girl.

But am I running away from starting that now? Of course I want to travel, if that’s my only dream right now, why hold it off for another dream I might not find at home? I hoped that when I travelled Oz, I’d find my niche in life, apart from my creative artistic flare returning, I didn’t find anything. Was I hoping for too much?

For now, I know I’m not ready to get into the world of mortgages or rent, or start a family anytime soon, I know travelling is what I want to do.

But am I running away from it all? Am I running away from growing up?

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4 responses »

  1. That was a question I asked myself as well. And to some extent the answer is always yes, you are running away. But running away from growing up? Not so sure. Travelling is a pretty big learning experience, learning about other places, other cultures and mostly about yourself.

    Even if you are running away, is this a bad thing?

    • So questions! And the answers are often more questions! Thanks for the comment, you made a really good point though. The last couple of years of my life have taught me so many things about me, and what I can do. I always worried I wasn’t good enough, but I’ve been shown some things are do-able!
      And running away I guess is never a bad thing, especially when it involves seeing this beautiful world 🙂 Thanks again.

  2. Kez, I totally know what you mean with this! when I got back from aus the other month and was back in work I felt like I wasn’t ready AT ALL to get back into work and normal life…. take me back out!x

    • That would be the reverse culture Jen. It can be bad. After I got home after 10 months, I went into depressions. Hiding away, drinking on my own; it was rough. It’s always hard when you get home.

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