I’ve always known life is full of surprises. Just when you think you have most of it figured out, something is dropped in the ocean and creates a whole new wave of direction.
This past few weeks has proved massively changing in the life of Kerri (thats me!). My plans that I had been set on for so long were suddenly thrown off course when my relationship ended with the curly boy. And although part of me wishes it didn’t have to end so suddenly, the other half of me is realising this is perhaps what I needed – change.
A long distance relationship was something I always knew would be hard. But I tell you this now… imagine how hard it would be and times that by 100! It has to be the most difficult thing I have ever done – send me to the other side of the world anytime (!) – and I’m certainly in no rush to do long distance again! Asides from the obvious missing one another, it made me realise something, something I didn’t like. I was changing – but not in a good way.
Not a day went by without me worrying over something. No matter how small it may have been, I would worry about it. And worse still, I could feel my insecurities growing about myself. I didn’t feel as confident about myself anymore, and the stress was killing me. I tried so hard to be positive; telling myself we’ve got this far we can keep going, thinking of our travels together, knowing it would’nt always be this difficult… but nothing would work.
So when ‘we’ were over, and I know this makes me seem insensitive, but I felt something was lifted off my shoulders. Now I could think about me, and only me. When I’m in a relationship, I always think of the other person, or us. But for once I could now be selfish. And I’ve felt more than ever that now I’m looking on things in a much more positive way. And I couldn’t love that more.
Even though my travel plans have made a complete U-turn, and I’m scared of travelling alone with my lack of confidence, I’m still pushing myself to be positive. I want to do this for me. I want to get out there and push myself to speak to fellow travellers and explore the world to the max. I need to do this. If anything, I think this is why this happened… Someone out there is telling me I need that kick up the backside to be a more positive confident girl!
Sometimes change can be a petrifying thing. Hell, I am petrified! I can’t wait to travel, and I’m so excited for everything I’m going to see/hear/taste, but there is a huge element of fear deep inside shouting at me “What the hell are you doing woman?!”
I just know that this change is all for the best. For me, and for him.
And so… my new travel plans will commence, and the change in me is already building. In a cheesy sort of way (a nice cheese… none of that parmesan crap!) , I can see myself being someone I can live with! After all, if I don’t like who I am, how do I expect someone else to like me?! So stay tuned… my blog will come back to life again… with my travel plans being explored, tickets being booked, blog concepts coming to life and this little lady finding herself once again :).
Has anyone else had a sudden change in their life and found the positive side to it? I’d love to hear some stories :).
“Be audacious enough to believe in the wisdom of a divine plan”